I enjoy losing face, my Chinese face!
I have lost my faces many a time. When I was in middle school, I couldn't afford the fashionable clothes as the other classmates , I lost my face, I was shorter than the average, I lost my face; when in college, others were dancing happily and merrily to the music, I felt too inferior to attend the dance party, I lost my face.When my college teacher asked me to make a public speech in English, I felt nervous and stammered, I ,thus, lost my face.When other colleagues are busily dating and courting beautiful ladies, I was alone with one to express my affection to.I , too, lost my face.When my best ever friend and I promised to further our study for master's degree, eventually, he got his master's degree and I, on the contrary, failed to turn up to sit the scheduled test, I lost my face.When the leaders said that I did not meet the high expectation they had on me, I felt deeply ashamed, and thus losing my facet.It is cruel, yet it is true that I have lost my faces countless times. It feels pain to admit that and it takes courage ,too.
"How many roads must a man walk down,
Before they call him a man?How many seas must a white dove sail,Before she sleeps in the sand?"For me, I ask myself : how many times must a man lose his face before he can fight like a man,?The answer, my dear frined, is not in the wind, it is firmly held in my hand.I know that fate is not fair and I am trying to accept it, but if I have got so used to losing my face, and never feel shameful,then something need to be done to change the situation.If shame could not awake me from my dizzy state, I am afraid taht I ought to think it seriously:what is the point of life?What am I living for?Shame? Failure? Depression?madness?
Or what else?I have already paid a high price all these years, I am afraid of nothing, death included, then what matters if I fall flat on the grounds?
Today is the day that I shall start afresh, today is the day I shall encourage myself that my face is nothing, I just need to focus on I can can do instead of on what I can't.I need to prove that I am not that bad, not a bit of it , I need to display my ability and I must shock them that I am an able man with a strong
willpower and with a wide scope of knowledge.Past failures will, in due time ,serve as my lessons.
God once said to me, "forgive those who have hurt you; forget those that have disturbed you. Love your enemy as you love your friends. For they will make you stronger,tougher, more excellent."In my dream, I murmured to God,"I was hungry,I was naked,I was homeless,I was unwanted,unloved,uncared for,and you did it to me"God seemed a little annoyed and turn around, saying:"You have to do it yourself?""Who will care for me if you do not?"With that I awoke with tears in my eyes.But God was nowhere to be found, his sigh couls be heard.
In my opinion,the very you will force me to strive ,to struggle, to persist.We are born to win not born to accept defeats , failures obediently as lost lambs.
Oh , Dear God, I have been cornered, I feel helpless, hopeless,unwanted, unloved, and with on one in sight to turn to. "No turning back' I shouted, "I will hew a stone of hope out of the mountain of despair."I must succeed, I have to succed, and I can succeed!
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