1, tortuous beginning

Being a fresh graduate of 2008 and newly recruited into this company, I have very little idea about the basic operation of a company and am not so familiar with the important software and systems on a regular basis. Based on my observation thus far, Excel worksheet has played a far more important role in daily functions than I predicted. The worst thing is that I know next to nothing about its usage, posing huge troubles and lowering work efficiency, which largely upsets me.

What I have learned at school, sadly, proved to be of little value and far from practical. Doubts, then, emerge in my mind that I am not so sure if this is the very arena that I could fully unleash whatever I have to showcase. Now and then, I doubt if I am capable of accomplishing my tasks, having my abilities displayed and the direct manager impressed.

At this point, the begging of my career presents itself cranky and strenuous, with mounting pressure and lots of obstacles to overcome.  For me to boost efficiency and performance in the context of having shallow knowledge and experiences, I get to crank up and have head start. There should be no slackening of effort in light of my current unsatisfactory performance and increasing problems from the tasks. Advice comes that I should prioritize, lay aside unnecessary details and learn fast from my colleagues.

   I seem to get off on the wrong foot and have a great deal to catch up with. 

      2, made a mistake

     In one task early this work week, I made a mistake due to my deficient Excel skill. Comments came from the direct manager that she would have to keep a sharp lookout at me based on my performance at the task of Profit Share. In light of that mistake alone, she has every reason to do that, which I would not voice a complaint. I made a mistake when doing the calculation of salaries. Costs consist of a tremendous part in strategy making, organization and operation. As a matter of fact, I felt a bit relieved at hearing my job would be double checked to ward off mistakes, as I didn’t feel rest assured at what I come out with. It was just a little worrisome this would leave on my supervisor’s head an ugly stain about me, lurking there in her mind and reminding her of my incapability.

     Yet, later on, concerns continue to arise. Frequently do I feel the agitating pang that I might make mistakes now and then, in the wake of which came bouts of pressure and depression. The mistake I make, always, recurs in my mind, haunting me like a ghost that never fades away. I believe I have been too vigilant and self-demanding. None is immaculate. For this time alone, true is that the ball falls on my court and I should be held responsible for what I have done wrong.

Advice taken, I should get adjusted and immediately be prepared for another challenging task. Has it been the mentality of a fresh graduate that makes me care about my performances in such an unbelievably cautious way? And how much longer do I need to get myself adjusted with flexible mentality in the face of negative feedbacks on my performances, even of ensuing barrage of sarcastic criticism? I feel I am doing my level best at this point. But for me to be that modest and successful, it absolutely takes time, and at last, time will tell.

For this negative incident, damage has been done, I, then, only wish this is going to have, if any, limited effects on her (my direct manager) perception and on the way my co-workers think about me. To fend off further mistakes, I am doing my utmost to learn more and faster from my colleagues, and try to deliver results through every task I am given, only wish mistakes would not repeated themselves and that this would absorb the early negative impacts on me.

3, thanks to the team

To my pleasure, my co-worker, Karen, helped consolidate this problem while I was taking a sick leave due to a fever. The team did a bang up job. Then, I could take precarious joy at each accomplishment of the team. I own Karen my deep-felt gratitude for all that she has taught and done for me. And most sincere gratitude goes to my direct manager who has been so thoughtful, understanding and enlightening to an inexperienced fresh graduate like me.

The mistake might not be so serious, and it is just me who is overly reacting for all times. But dropping the ball at the very beginning of my career did generate certain angst in my mind. However, let bygones be bygones. That was then, and this is now. Wise people choose to forget mistakes selectively, bearing in mind the lesson they learn and moving forward wit confidence. I get to follow suit. Out of each mistake, there is a valuable lesson to learn. I should crank up efforts, make headways, light the passion and keep the dream.

Weeks later, you will all be witnesses of my progress.

A few months from now, this, I hope, would be a reminder of my resolute determination and relentless endeavor.