I told Selina that I have fallen in love with one man, however, I didn’t know what his feeling for me. However, in her opinion, I love just a feeling that person gives me but not that idiographic person himself. If others can give me such a comfortable feeling, I will love him for the same. To some extent, I agree with her opinion. Because in my mind, I just care about the feelings when we get together, but not how the person is. Love is not because who you are but because who I am when I with you. I always believe that if someone can give me a comfortable and happy feeling just because his character matches with me, and I get a crush on some characteristics in his character, which I think is the most important factor to a happy match. Therefore, I never think it has much difference between loving a person and loving just a feeling. What’ more, it is difficult for everyone to tell loving a person from loving just that kind of feeling that person gives you. We just know that we like him, like getting together with him, and care about him, even easy fall in jealousness when he seems to be intimate with other girls. To be frank, I think it has no problem to love just because that guy can give me a kind of feeling which I am eager to want, and I think that nobody can take place of another person in my life to give me the same feeling, because every person is unique and particular.

During May Day holiday, I accompanied A Hey to travel about three cities for three days. During these three days, we were both very happy. In fact, we are always happy when we get together, from the first day we met. We ever chatted a lot, and he always gives me an impression that he is the best man in this world, because he is kind-hearted, always ready to help others. As a son, he is filial to his parents. As a friend, he is generous and friendly to his friends. As a lover, I believe he will be tender and considerate. When I told everthing to him, he always seems to try his best to comfort me, even though actually what I need is not his comfort but just his opinions about them. However, a too good man usually makes others think he is common and less of personality, and he is not the exception in my opinion. However, during these three days, I found that he is humorous and thoughtful, another totally different kind of characteristics which I appreciate. I have known him for three years, and I always think that I have known him a lot. But why I never found that he is this kind of guy until now.

It makes me think of Band. We met by chance, however, he seemed to like me at the first sight. After we met, he talked a lot to me, even something from his deep heart. He frankly told me his family background, his sad history, his deep thought about life and future. He is an unlucky man, and I should feel pity for him. However, he told a lot of sad things to me, which made my heart sad and oppressive. I don’t like this kind of feeling. Although I knew he never expressed his sad history and feelings to others, and I understood that it only means that he trusted me, however, I still hated this kind of feeling. In my life I just pursue comfort and happiness. I don’t like talking or discussing those ponderous topics. I like the way talking in a humorous and relaxing way. Therefore, In my inner heart, I dispute getting together with him, even hated to listen to what he said. Finally, when he plucked up his courage to express his feeling for me, I refused him without any hesitation, even with some sharp words. I knew I was cruel to him, but I couldn’t help behaving like this, because he made me uncomfortable in my heart and I must respond this feeling to him. I understood clearly that I didn't like him not because he is not the type I appreciate and want, but just because it has something wrong in the way how we get together. He expressed his inner feeling and secret sad background to me too early. At that time, I had no feeling for a stranger, I had no interest in sharing or taking on others’ those unhappy things in life. I can't deceive or ignore my feeling, so I couldn’t change my attitude to him.

I always believe that every person is multidimensional, and we just see his only one aspect. It’s difficult for us to know about a person roundly. We love just maybe because that particular aspect he shows before us is the just type we always appreciate and enjoy. On the other hand, we don’t like maybe just because the particular aspect he shows before us is not the type we like. Therefore, I start to carefully think about Selina’s opinions. Can I choose my love just according to my feeling when I get together with him, which I always care about most. Is it the most reasonable way to judge a real love? Or I have to take Selina’s opinion that we must love a person but not the feeling that person gives me. We love just because he is himself, that particular person in this world. No matter how he is, no matter how he is to me, no matter how we get together. Dear readers, can you tell me your opinions to me?

04/05/2008